VPL...do guys really care?

What in the world is a VPL?

 If you are a woman, you worry about this every time you put on a pair of pants...you turn around in look at your butt in the mirror.

Are they there? EEK!!!

Visible Panty Lines, its a curse...

but do we really need to worry?

Do guys even notice them?

If you are like me, you probably have multiple styles of undies in your unmentionables drawer. It has taken me 20 years to figure out what underwear actually worked and which ones I needed to retire to only when Aunt FLOW was in town.

In the link above it explains in laments terms what each pair of panties is for. Here is my version:

• Briefs: try not to get ones that look like your grandma's. Stay away from Classic, High-cut, and Control Panties. Boyshorts...good to go!
• Hipsters: you can find cute ones at Target...but be careful, you may still end up looking like the blue haired lady next door if you don't get the right style.
• Bikinis and String Bikinis: the 80's introduction to the popularity of thongs. They showed a little more leg, but steer clear. Retro is not cute in the undies department.
• Tangas: Much cuter, more modern version of the bikini. These are safe as long as you don't have a BAND around your waist. Be picky.
• Thongs: These will get rid of your panty lines unless they are too tight, then you get the dunlap affect. Be careful, if you get ones with a thick "butt crack band" your badonka will not be your friend by the end of the night.
• G-Strings: The thinner the "butt crack band" the better. Hey, if you aren't scared of what you look like without pants on, rock them! 

I recently found the most disturbing pair of britches I've ever came across. You have to look at this article. Told you it was disturbing. Tell me if you own a pair...I would love to hear all about it!

But back to my earlier question. Do guys even notice them? I took a poll in my house, Jason said, "not when they are walking around, but maybe I can see them when they bend over sometimes." LOL! Just do what is comfortable to you...but please don't leave the house looking like this...

The Four Buttocks effect
is NEVER ok!

If you look in your guys drawer, pile, area of the closet, or wherever he keeps his knickers,

there are only 4 kinds that he needs to worry about 

boxers

briefs

boxer-briefs

and ones with holes in them

But no matter which style they choose, they always look pretty great (if I do say so myself). Guys...close your eyes...

I couldn't help myself...those are smokin' hawt (I haven't stopped giggling yet)

SteFunny

Teacher, Coach, Motivator, Parent...oh JOY!

I am so proud to be all 4, a teacher, coach, motivator, and a parent. If you have a job influencing children, there is no great joy than watching them succeed, knowing you had a tiny part in getting them there!

This blog was sparked from my softball team, the KC Dirt Devils. We have been practicing for a long time...just practicing. There is nothing more frustrating as an athlete than busting your butt with no games in the near future. We practiced from Sept-Oct, took Nov and Dec off, Jan we are back in full force getting ready for tournament ball in April. These are going to be the longest 4 months of these players' lives.

Each child, no matter if they are on a team or in your family, has a very important role. They might not be the best athlete or the fastest at doing their chores, but each bring their special part to complete the puzzle.

On a team, you will have:

• The leaders: they know every position and help to teach other kids by showing or setting a good example.
• The jocks: they are the natural athletes that always get the job done.
• The hustlers: they may not be as good as the jocks, or know how to help others, but they will always move quickly and try their best no matter what.
• The specialist: they might not be your best all around player, but they do their specific job to help hold the team together and allow other players to do their job.
• The space cadets: they are out there...SQUIRREL!!!
• The motivators: they help keep the teams spirits up even when they may be struggling.

Each kid might me one or more of those. Lexi is a motivator/space cadet - but hey, she's the coaches daughter...what else do you expect. The longer she plays, her role might change. At home she is my leader/specialist. Jason is my jock/motivator...♥ you! (hey, I had to give him a shout out, couldn't do it without him!)

Which ever role you have taken on, know that you are needed to help make the world go around. Ok, that was cheesy! LOL! Wish us luck on our first year of competitive softball! I am so proud of all my little Dirt Devils.

SteFunny♥

Working in the Work Out

It's almost the end of January. Have you been successful with your New Years Resolutions? Or are you still sitting on your couch looking at your computer? No, don't turn it off now...you are already here ♥

Over the years I have made many resolutions that have gone uncompleted. Cleaning the house more, putting on lotion everyday, doing more fun stuff with my kids. Sure, I do my best for a week or so. Or remember in June that I was going to do it. This year I thought I was going to work out more (who's with me?)

Bruce and I bought P90X last year, did it for almost a month - full blown. Did the diet, the workouts, cut back on beer, quit smoking...then I got sick and I had to stop. They never did figure out what was wrong. But it was hard for me to get back started.

So 2012 was going to be my year to get really in shape. I was visualizing my success. Looking at pictures of in-shape women, thinking about the summer when I will be able to show of my new BOD! I had marked which workouts I needed to do everyday in my calendar.

I was doing it...but it only lasted for 3 days!

Take a picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror.

What do you want to fix? (other than needing a tan)

Then look at that picture and GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Sometimes just thinking about working out seems harder than actually doing it.  Here are some exercises you are probably already doing everyday.

• Stair Stepping - just walk up and down your stairs a couple extra times, or take the stairs at work instead of the elevator.
• Lifting Weights - carrying laundry baskets and taking out the garbage, they are heavy aren't they? I consider that lifting weights.
• Squats - everytime you sit down or stand up out of a chair you are doing squats. Just throw 10 of them in each time you are ready to sit down.

No matter which workout you decide to do, how many times a week you decide to do it, and what your goals in the end are, the most important part is to get it done.

"People always say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing. That's why we recommend it daily." ~ Zig Zagler

Just make sure you love yourself and love your body...and don't talk down to yourself because you aren't where you want to be yet. Keep working in your work out and eat that piece of cake...just don't eat the whole cake!

Then if all else fails,
put your head on some other chicks body!
SteFunny♥

True Dat!!!

It is true...what is? That is...  TRUE DAT!!!

This is some random humor for what is on my brain today!

Say it with me, True Dat! Probably the most accurate statement I have heard all day! Someday I will do a blog on my calendar - holy cow, that one will be NUTS!

I tried to come up with something clever for the S S at the end of the calender (Same Shyt - too boring), (Soul Sucking - true, but a little morbid for the weekend), (Strikingly Stupendous - say it out loud...why did it take so long to get all the syllables out???)

True Dat...and NO, I do not want a chilled glass on the side. Why is it considered tacky for a female to drink beer out of a bottle at a restaurant. Hell, bring it to me in a can!

Another thing about beer...to all of those who say "I don't like how beer tastes,"

You aren't supposed to TASTE it,

you are supposed to DRINK it!

Man Up and throw one back...it will be refreshingly bad azz of you...



You know that's right! I do zero things correctly until I can smell it brewing. I only have 2-3 cups a day, but man they help with my ability to function. True Dat!

My man makes coffee stronger than Brian Shaw, and my dad makes coffee as weak as a dying flea...me, I'm kind of in between kinda gal.

BTW...I take 2 blue sugars and no cream (unless you have a fun flavor).

Coming from the kid on the unicorn bike, "Haters gonna hate" - you can't get more TRUE than DAT!

Love yourself, be original, and don't worry about what other people think.

"Do not go where the path may lead,

go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Just don't leave behind "that" kind of trail - True Dat!

SteFunny ♥

Photo Shout Outs, W T F, Yes Beer, Unicorn Bike, and Holler Back if the other ones are yours. Thanks!

Must I count you down AGAIN!!! 1...2...

THREE!!! The magic number that no child related to me wants to hear. Only a few actually know what happens when I get to 3, apparently the others have been "warned"!

Xander & Jordan Before

Lexi Before

Living Room Before

Every night I come home, our humble abode looks like a "toy burglar" came in and dumped all the toy boxes on the floor trying to find the illusive Lego Spiderman. The "homework police" has ripped apart every backpack looking for evidence of a studious child. The "food rapper" was spittin' a fruit snack flow, and some burger time rhymes. Oh, and apparently we should be in the market for a Willy Wonka hand grabber coat rack.

I beg and plead that they clean up their stuff, only to have:

• One blame the other for the mess
• They tune everyone out and zone in on the TV
• They complain that they just need to finish this level or they will lose the game
• The hunger pains take ahold of them and wont let go
• And they cry and whine thinking that I am going to give in...

Should I, should I give in to their cuteness, should I give them a break from their horribly demanding list of chores (psych)? <Insert Marine Corps Drill Instructor here>! YOU ARE DONE! Get your butts up and start cleaning. You will still hear some faint whining in the background...then privileges start getting threatened...oh, now they want to clean. Sure...

Too late, Mom has already lost it. Lost what you ask? I can't remember because I haven't had it for so long. I start flippin racks (my devil dogs understand). Go ahead and complain - now you have to clean your room. You want to clean the garage too? That's my favorite threat. Uh, EXCUSE ME??? I KNOW I AM NOT TALKING TO MYSELF. Then there is silence...

Need to get some ideas for age appropriate chores? Check this out.

Xander & Jordan After

Lexi After

Living Room After

Miraculously I begin seeing floors. Laundry gets taken downstairs and sorted. Tables start getting wiped down. Finally, we are almost done! It may not be cleaned as good as I wanted...but hey, its pretty good for a 9, 7, and 4 year old. Gosh I love those kids!

SteFunny ♥

P.S. I dyed my hair and shaved my legs...thought you might enjoy this...

Girl Scout Cookes...Eating by the Sleeve

Are you happy that you got your cookies on the spot this year? Instead of waiting forever for your check to get cashed and then even longer to get your cookies. By the time the cookies were delivered, you had already started your New Year's Resolution.

Well, to all my fellow cookie moms...I feel your pain. I have went over receipts and counted cookies a million times! Still, I can't get everything to come out right! AAAHHH!!! So back to the drawing board I go, I am thankful that I didn't choose a career where I handled money everyday.

I am so grateful for the Girl Scouts, I was one for a long time. I loved every minute of it. I just don't remember it being so stressful back then. I am so proud of Lexi, she has been able to participate in so many activities that we wouldn't have been able to do with out our Troop. Did I mention that we love to CAMP!!! Thank God my nieces have decided to join as well - I'm a proud aunt! (does that mean I have to buy boxes from them next year too?)

Not going to lie to you...Girl Scout Cookies are the death of me. I volunteered to be the cookie mom this year. I'm doing my best and honestly...I SUCK!!!!

Yes this is a short blog, I have a cookie deadline - Brownie vests in Raymore are depending on me. Must get this right so they get the patches they earned for all their hard work (even though the parents sell most of them).

Thanks to everyone who bought cookies from my cute little Girl Scout! Be a proud sleeve eater...I'll hit you up again next year. BTW - if you have some boxes that you haven't eaten yet, they freeze wonderfully! We start selling again around Halloween! Get HUNGRY!!!

SteFunny♥

Bible Study without Mom's Permission...ok or not?

I was torn tonight. My mom warned my that I might be upset. I had to tell my 9yo daughter that she was not allowed to be friends with some girls anymore. Reason: their parents were teaching my daughter religion without my permission.

I grew up believing in God. My aunt attended Unity Village and then UCOP since I can remember - I went with her every chance I got. I love my relationship with God and my spirituality! I'm not ashamed of myself, I don't feel like I need to repent for my sins, and I appreciate every one's religion, even if I don't believe in someone else's belief system. I wasn't raised to judge, or convert my friends...instead we were taught that God in is all of us no matter what religion you are. I don't believe in sin or the devil and I am proud to say that my children will not grow up feeling that they were born sinners - they are pure, innocent, beautiful children of God.

She came home this evening from her friends house (3 sisters) and told me about her time playing with them. Instead of riding bikes or playing with Barbies - they had BIBLE STUDY. She had fun reading the Bible. There were contests where she could earn Bible Bucks to buy things like lip gloss, book marks, cookies, and books. Lexi got a tube of lip gloss and didn't spend 2 of her Bible Bucks that she earned. She proceeded to ask me if she could go over there tomorrow after school to play again.

Last year they had given her a children's Bible. I should have put a stop to it then, but I thought it was harmless. Little did I know that every time she would go to play at their house, they would "have church" or something of the sort. Now I am furious.

• Who has an economic system set up in their house so kids can earn fake money for reading the Bible and buy things?
• Who is bold enough to try to influence neighbor kids in religion?
• Who only allows their kid's friends to play at "their" house?

I'll tell you who...someone who doesn't respect my rights as a parent. The parents never even came to my house to introduce themselves. They never called to ask if it was ok to have Bible Study with my daughter. They have violated every right as a mother to influence my child according to my value system. And to think my street was safe for my kids to play outside.

To top it all off, they had the little girl bring Lexi a dollar so that she could go to the store to buy a pack of gum to bring to their next play date. What...can't you go to the store to buy your own gum? Now you have put me in a horrible decision where I have to break my daughter's heart and tell her she has to get rid of 3 of her friends (4 if you count their brainwashed neighbor).

So tonight I will shower my little sad girl in love and hugs and kisses. Apologizing for decisions that other people have forced me to make. Shame on their parents for trying to steal my daughter's ability to make her own decisions.

Dear Lord, <insert prayer for my little girl to feel peace here>

Thank you friends,

SteFunny♥

Pic shout outs...ring cross, God talk

Closet Space - the 4 S's

Secrets, Suits, Shoes, and Skeletons - the 4 S's of Closets...just kidding! How about SORT, SAVE, SHARE, and SAYONARA. (A secret just flooding your brain right now - ssshhh, don't tell me!)

Aahh, to stop carrying all that unwanted baggage - every woman's goal, right? But the place where you store your Hand BAGS is not the place to store your BAGgage! Clean it out! Not gonna lie to you, my closets are probably the cleanest, most organized parts of my home - and if you have been to my house, you know the rest of it is in disarray (that is a topic for another day).

I'm a hanger-upper and a folder, I might rearrange how my clothes, etc are aligned once, or twice a year. First you need to figure out what kind of space you have (I love how un-technical these instructions are)

Different types of closets:

• Coat Closet - obviously you keep coats here, or the vacuum. You will find an unused bowling ball and recently worked on craft supplies in mine as well.
• Linen Closet - Towels, Blankets, Sheets, Extra toiletries (what actually falls into the toiletries category?) If you use it to sleep with or get ready with...put it in this closet.
• Kids Closets - Good Lord...I think I just scared myself. Depending on their age, they try! My kids have an over-abundance of clothes...thanks to my Aunts in Pennsylvania (no sales tax on clothes - woo hoo!) They buy everything they can get their hands on. If you have been the recipient of an Aunt Carolyn box, you know what I mean. ♥♥♥
• His Closet - This is really up to you, if you want anything to be organized...unless you have a metro-sexual who color codes his closet without your help. I prepared my man's closet...all he could say is - "Cool - look at all my underware and socks!" Whatever makes you happy babe!
• Her Closet - Yes...I am talking to you when I say her. I'm sure there is way too much stuff in there, so I will begin with my Four S's!

#1 - S = SORT (read below steps 2-4 on how to do it)

#2 - S = SAVE...if it fits and you think you look cute in it, SAVE IT! Enough said...

#3 - S = SHARE...if you haven't worn it, don't know what to wear it with, or don't know how to wear it, SHARE IT! Take it to a goodwill, give it to a friend, just make sure that it leaves your closet. Find a charity to come pick them up from your house.

#4 - S = SAYONARA...if it makes you look like a hippo, Barney, your mom, or has a hole in it, PITCH IT!

When you are done...give yourself a trophy, a ribbon, a cookie...or go buy a fun new outfit in reward for all your hard work. Check out the new colors for Spring fashion!

Your closets are full of history, make sure that the memories are good ones. And your closet will thank you in return, by allowing you to leave your house in HOLY HAWTNESS!

SteFunny♥ (yah, I was having trouble...lol!)

  

Body Hair: Bare-ly There...or I Don't Care???

It's winter in my neck of the woods. There aren't many trips to the pool, the shorts have been packed away. If you pulled up a pant leg right now - what would you find?

I've blamed my father for many of my bad qualities in life, my big feet, I'm a bit of a yeller, crooked teeth, dry skin...but the worst of all of them - I'm HAIRY!!! The other things can be fixed or easily maintained. But the thing I struggle with most is being hairy.

I remember the first time I shaved my legs, I took a souvenir Royals cup full of water and a yellow Bic razor up to my room. I screamed for an hour before I told my mom what I did. The agony of razor burn, cuts, and the rose scented lotion put me into a leg shaven coma.

I've tried everything, different kinds of razors, using shaving gel, shaving cream, ethnic hair conditioner, shampoo, Nair...and the dreaded waxing (both at home and at a salon). Nothing worked, nothing helped...so I just told myself that I didn't need to do it all the time.

A couple years back I had laser hair removal on my underarms and chin. That almost saved my life...the chin was just annoying, but the underarms broke out every time I pulled out a tank top and I couldn't shave for a week in between. Ask me how the laser hair removal went!

Then I found those Intuition razors...they totally work if I have shaved recently. But you will ruin the razor if you have waited a month or so (yah...I admit it)

And what about "those girls" who take trips to Brazil to fix their problems. My philosophy is...if it's not creepin' out of your swimsuit, lol - nevermind.

One day, we will go back to the ancient days and shaving will be a think of the past. Until then, I vow to shave before all dates, swimming pool trips, and when I wear shorts or a skirt. For now, I'll just wear pants to bed and really long socks! No one will ever know...

Thanks Pappy for everything you have given me. I'll be sure to pass on the family flaws to my daughter, I'm sure she will make you just as proud as I have! BTW...I already warned her it was your fault!

SteFunny♥

Lost...with no Lip Gloss

My boyfriend gets super annoyed at my 15 minutes of praying to my mirror when ever we go somewhere, but in my opinion - make-up is far more important than underwear! In retrospect, hopefully your man is the only one seeing those underwear after he has gawked over how beautiful those 15 minutes of "annoyance" made you.

Ok...so today I was going to his oldest nephews birthday party...I closed my door and took pictures of each stage of my getting ready process to prove the value of a little "me time". Yes, I am bearing my soul in this one...so laugh if you want - I can't hear you :-)



1. Take a shower (hopefully a given if you live in America). This will, and should be, the worst picture of your life. Horrible zits and all, check out how beautiful your bareness really is. Enjoy the scarceness of your true self. Talk nicely to your mirror during these dark moments of this process, the end result will be totally worth it!





2. Fix your hair and put on your Go-To outfit. This outfit might simply be a t-shirt. Your hair might be the same hair you wear everyday. But these two items start to pull everything together. Throw on a trendy neclace and wear some simple or outlandish earrings that compliment your face shape. Hang them like this chick explains here.




3. Foundation/Base/Powder/Concealer (one or a combo of all). I am a simple girl, so I use a creme to powder foundation (unless there is a big ugly one - then dabble with some concealer). Don't cake it on or you will feel crusty and gross. Make sure you blend through your neck so you don't look like you did when you were 14 in your mom's bathroom. Or try a tinted moisturizer (great for summer months - get one with an SPF and you are set).




4. Apply color (blush, eyeshadow, eye liner...if you are so inclined). Don't make the excuse of "I'm not a makeup artist...I don't know how to put it on". Try it. Simply suck in your cheeks and brush a little blush on the part of your cheeks that stick out. Use a light shimmery eyeshadow on your lids, or go all out and do the boomarang affect with a highlight, midtone, and accent color. Want to learn??? try out this beauty advisor for tips and tricks.
 PUT ON MASCARA...this picture explains the difference a little swipe or 2 will make - OMG look at the left compared to the right!

SteFunny♥

5. SMILE!!! This might by the most important part of your beauty regimen. Put on some Chapstick, Lip Gloss, or Lipstick in your fave shade. No matter how much time you spend on your hair and make-up, if you are a frowny, unaproachable biotch...you are still going to be ugly!

Don't crush the caterpillars

and then complain

that there aren't any butterflies!

Ladies, spread those gorgeous wings

and fly...